Revamping

So, I'm considering revamping this thing. I've been absent for some time - and I'm not entirely sure the blog world really cares. In fact, I'm not entirely sure that the blog world even knows I'm here.
Once again, I've become the quiet little wall-flower. But, really, I'm okay with that..I tend to be safer that way. I haven't blogged much because, well, there are some people here at work who've been let go for just such a thing. I've been playing it safe, though I suppose, on my breaks I could chance a log in occassionally. I just haven't felt like testing that theory. I'm simply not in the mood to try and find a new job....

Well, I'm back.

I think I've managed to merge the two accounts - the beta and the old one. I created a beta one before, so there's a post floating out there somewhere. At the moment, it doesn't say much. I just thought I'd check in...let anyone out there who may be interested know that I'm alright. We had access to live journal at work for awhile, but now we don't. This isn't much of a surprise, though.

I'll post more later....lots of things to tell about.

Broke the news...

Last night, I broke the news to mom that I want to move. She wasn't real pleased with this. I knew she wouldn't be happy, per se...but I didn't really expect her to be mad. She said she wasn't, it kind of seemed like she was.
I told her about the place in Renton, and she complained that it was so far away. Its a half hour drive from Seattle - 45 minutes with traffic. She complained that she didn't know the area. Well, learn. I mean...its not that difficult.
She said that I can't just stick them in any old daycare...there's lots of bad ones. I countered with the fact that there's lots of good ones too. Not like I'm going to just pick one at random and go "Here, have my kids....use and abuse 'em how you see fit."
She then later asked me who would stay home with the kids when they're sick; who would take them to the doctors, etc. I mean, its like she feels she's never going to see them again. I'm not denying her her grandchildren...I just need space of my own.
The house we're looking at has Kindercare down the street - they're good, I hear. And, they do take state assistance. M & L are willing to help with coordinating drop off/pick up and watching the kids when needed.
Mom even asked if this was the best choice for the kids. Last night, I was so upset, I was crying. I resent that she's making me doubt my decision. I know that I can't stay there...I don't feel like I have control of anything, and its stressful. I'm sure that the kids have picked up on that, as well. In fact, Bug has started to threaten to kick me out of the house when he gets upset with me. He gets that right from grandma. She threatens that, too, when she's angry.
I talked to R about it last night, and she thinks I'll just have to take it day by day and buck up essentially. It just hurts that mom's reacting this way - doubting my decision as a mother, or thinking it totally selfish. If I'm happier, it would stand to reason that the kids will be happier. It's going to be a little rocky while adjusting, sure...but change is rarely done without some sort of "bumps".

Updates!

There's a lot to update here. I've been using Live Journal again, since we have access at work. I'm not sure how long that will last, so I'm taking advantage. However, there are still things that I don't want to chance jackass having easy access to. I know that I can lock my LJ from him - but there's a lot of people who know us both, and well, its just simpler this way.

First big change - Fates and I are no longer together. We're still friends, so it wasn't a big messy break up. We just came to a mutual conclusion that we weren't ready for the commitment like we thought. It was such a relief to talk to him (finally) and find out he was feeling the same thing. We still do things together - in fact we have plans on Friday.
Second and newest big change - I may be moving. I'll be moving in with a couple, friends I've known for awhile and now work with. They've found a 6 bedroom house in the Renton area that would be just perfect for us. It has a fenced yard, a park next door, the downstairs is a mother in law style apartment, complete with kitchen. It has an indoor hot tub as well.
This means I'd have to find a new daycare with hours comparable to mine, and get the van working. It also means that I have to tell mom...which is going to be tough. I don't really want to take the kids from her. I don't want to leave her in a financial lurch either. On the other hand, I know that I can't stay and keep my sanity.

Naughty Mama!

My son...my, beautiful, creative, wonderous, loveable...albiet sometimes all too troublesome son...

Got into my nail polish and painted his toes.

He told me... "Naughty mama!"

I'm still here

Its been a little while since I've updated, as usual. I keep meaning to get everything caught up, but there's so much to post. Mostly because I wait to do it, I think. You'd think I'd learn. Alternatively, I wait because I don't really have much to post most of the time. Life seems to go on in its own way - the day to day activities are relatively the same. I work, I come home to take care of the kids, I grumble about my living arrangements. Lately, you can add fighting with grandma to that list of "usual" things.
Later at night, I hang out online. I've been getting lots of roleplaying in, and lots of chatting. I've found a place on alt that I enjoy, and find myself there quite often. I watch a bit of tv, depending on the night and what's on. Relatively boring stuff. Relatively boring life.
I do manage to make it out of the house occassionally. I make it to a meet and greet for AFF sometimes, or out to the LH for a party. In fact, Fates made the last party with me. Not much happened, but I enjoyed myself just the same.
We've changed buildings at work. We've moved a few miles north, which really doesn't make a difference on my commute overall. I like the new building, though we're encountering some minor...and probably not so minor..issues. Today, there's not much in the way of pop selection. There's no change in the change machine, and the food vending machine is practically empty. More major things - there are people not set up on the network, phones not working, etc. I think that most of those issues have been taken care of though.
My first day here was Saturday. Thankfully, its a quiet day. There were only a handful of us who had full access...and I was one of them. Go figure :P
This new building has a big game room - which includes a ping pong table, a pool table, two video games, a pinball machine, an area for the Xbox and a table for sitting/eating. Its a nice big room. There's an atrium, which is really nice. I have plans to eat out there sometime, with my book.

My dad will be in town this weekend, and I'm excited to see him. Its been almost two years. Bug will enjoy seeing him - he got excited when I told him grandpa was coming to town. Dad will be bringing his wife. It'll be nice to see her as well, its been even longer since I've seen her. They'll be up for the long weekend, but then go home after that. Not a very long trip.

I have got to get a notebook to keep in the car. Yesterday, I had a whole flood of thoughts. I managed to write some of them down, but it would be nice to record them or something. By the time I get home, deal with dinner and the kids...those thoughts are long gone. Even if I do remember what I was thinking about, it never seems as "smooth" as what I had been thinking in the car.
Tonight, I should be able to get those thoughts out here...at least what I have jotted down. Maybe even add to those, and keep the fluidity of them. I've had some insights "handed" to me, and now I must mull them over.

Happy birthday to me!!

Its that time of year again. I'm another year older. *groan*

Today hasn't been all that bad. I should have taken today off, just because. Eh, well. I'm actually in a fairly good mood today, despite the issues cropping up around me. At least their serious issues and not someone just being rude and/or stupid. Much easier to handle, even if it is more of a pain on the support level. :D

Fates is taking me out to dinner tonight - or cooking. Not sure which it is yet. We may hit a M&G for AFF, or go out to a movie. Yes, we're great planners as you can see.

I bought myself a copy of Sims 2 Open for Business for my birthday. I got to play with it a little, though I haven't gotten real far into yet. My sim bought a house and bought a business. (*cough* those money cheats are great *coughcough*). I only got so far as decorating the house and buying the business. I'm hoping to play it a bit more soon.

Alright, I'm off work now. I have more to say, but, frankly, I don't want to hang around much longer!

Interesting

I did a reading for myself today. (Note to self - link that journal to here.) I also took a look at some tarot information via a website (ATA site). In my reading the Chariot turned up, and on the newsletter for the website, the "Featured" card is the Chariot. Amusing.

Easter Holiday...and more...

I've been lax in updating my journal lately. There's been reasons...and now, there's a lot of information to assemble and relate. I'll try to cover it all, but with my memory, who knows?

Easter Weekend:

Friday we went shopping. The kids were invited to a birthday party that Saturday, so we needed a gift. We picked up some Easter fun stuffs too. Shopping went really well, surprisingly. Amongst the "I wants", we managed to pick out a baby doll for Pookah's friend.

Saturday was the party. I was able to get off work early so I could go see. Their first birthday party invitation *awwww*. Mom made a baby doll blanket for Pookah's friend while I was at work. The party went well...I think both kids had fun. There wasn't much organized fun in the way of the smaller children, but I think free play went well. They served cupcakes and ice cream for the birthday. Pookah didn't want her cupcake, but she screamed for more ice cream (quite literally). Bug liked the frosting, but didn't eat the cupcake.

Easter:

Overall, the holiday went really well. We had a big dinner over at our house, with my aunt's husband cooking in our kitchen. Its been a long time since we've done that. My cousin and her fiance showed up as well. The morning was pretty much business as usual, with a frantic cleaning of the house. I didn't get the kids dressed until closer to the time when people were coming over, because I wanted them to stay nice. Expected arrival times were set for about 1 pm. Amazingly, everyone was close to that time.
Pookah wore a pretty yellow sundress, with her little red and black dress shoes. We discovered we didn't have any sandals for her. She looked absolutely adorable. Mom took them to get haircuts earlier in the week, and she's got a little page boy style hair cut.
Bug wore a little suit, complete with tie. It was very, very adorable. Mom got some good pics of him in it. We even had a little pair of wingtips for him. He was so proud of himself, he stayed up from nap long enough to tell my aunt how spiffy he looked. He didn't even want me to take off his shoes for nap....I had to convince him to take off the tie and jacket. He told everyone who would listen that he looked spiffy. ~*grin*~
After nap, the kids had an easter egg hunt. It was funny, neither were interested in the decorated easter eggs - they both wanted the plastic eggs. Those had teddy grahams and fruit loops in them, both a big hit with my two. They each had a basket that they got to find, and then a basket that was for the two of them. I forgot to mention that on Saturday after the birthday party, we decorated eggs. Pookah had no interest in taking the crayon to them - she only wanted to drop them in the dye. She got SCREAMING mad when she couldn't do it. Bug tried the crayons, and seemed to enjoy doing that as well as coloring.
In the morning, between waiting times, he was putting on the pieces for the planes and cars. He had more fun just playing with the eggs on the moveable bases, I think. It was fun to watch him.
Pookah's basket had a ball, a stuffed bunny and a small yellow wagon. I think she liked the bunny and wagon the best. She pulled the wagon around most of the day, and even got a ride on it. She has the bunny in her crib with her, and even snuggles with it at night. Easter night, she brought it up with her.
Bug's basket was a Madagascar safari kit. He got excited looking at all the things. It had a net, a bug container, a helmet, binoculars and a few more items. It even had a big tin bucket. The biggest thing with that, I think was that it was Madagascar, which is one of his favorites. Currently, its Lion King 2.
The basket that we got for them both had plastic kitchen stuff. It had a blender and mixer that were battery operated. I think those were the biggest hits. A small tea set came in 2nd, I think. I need to find a drawer for all of that stuff...its currently residing in various places on my living room floor. Bug discovered that if you converted the mixer into a hand mixer and placed it on a surface it spins around and makes a funny noise. That had several minutes of pure entertainment. Pookah discovered that if you put half a small plastic egg in the blender just right and hit the button to pulse it, the egg would become airborne. I swear she was perfecting aim. She almost got her brother a few times.

I think the time after Easter deserves its own post, actually. Mostly because right now, I don't have the time to type it all out. Whee.

In the cards...

I've been meaning to update for a little bit, but just haven't gotten around to it. Technically, I shouldn't be doing it now...as the phones are fairly busy.
However, I felt the need to draw a few cards. I just did three, with no particular meaning for the position. The question was just a general "what do I need to know for my day". I cut the deck into three piles, so there's cards beneath if I need clarification.

In order - left to right:

The Tower
Princess of Wands
The High Priestess

On this note, I have created a new blog - attached to this one, "In the cards" to place my readings on. I'll get the links set up later, if need be. I'll be expanding the reading on that blog.

In the time that I've started this update and now, the phones have slowed down some. I can only hope for a 'quiet' afternoon.

Pookah was up for a good portion of the night last night, and as a result, I'm tired today. I'm not sure what the issue was, but she was screaming for a good hour or so...it would taper down to crying and silence in intervals. I gave her some medicine for her tummy. That seemed to make her happier, though she was awake for awhile after that.

Both kids have just gotten over another bout of sickness. Bug with general cold/flu symptoms, and Pookah with another round of pink eye. This time it went away fairly quickly, which is good.

Grandma's home, so things have been a little stressed. At least this time, my aunt's husband has made good on his intentions of being over for awhile everyday. Mom can keep working for the daycare part time. There's been nurses and therapists in and out of the house for the last couple weeks. Grandma's supposed to be using her walker some again, to make herself stronger again. She's so obstinate sometimes though, its like dealing with another two year old.

We've made some big changes to the house. It's looking much better than it had been. We've opened the music room for the kids' toys, and that seems to be working well. There's more work to do for that - but until the piano is moved, we can't do much. I'm determined to get in there and do some organization though, despite the piano being in the way. I just have to purchase some drawers/bins for the smaller toys to go in. I also have to clear out one of the bookshelves to put their books in, and clear out the area before it so they can actually reach the books ;)

I still haven't done any of the quilting I've been wanting to get to yet. I'm bound and determined to do so...its just a matter of finding time and energy at the same time. Mom's finished Pookah's quilt, which makes me want to start all the more. Sometime soon, I'll just have to sit down and do it.

There's so many projects around the house to do..and for myself..that I wonder how I'm going to manage to do it all. I don't want to sacrifice time with the kids, or the bit of relaxation time that I do get. Something's going to have to be sacrificed though - and its not going to be time with the kids. It's almost overwhelming when I stop to think about it.

R, mom and I joined curves a couple weeks ago. I made my first workout, then got sick. Grandma was coming home at the time, too. When I got better, I went out of town for a weekend. Last Monday was the first I'd been back since that first workout. I went again yesterday, and plan to go again on Thursday. I'm glad I joined. I really enjoy the workout - its nice to have it 'planned'. I like going in and knowing my routine. With a regular gym, I just look at the machines, thinking "Now what?"
It's felt good working out. I think I'm really going to like it. I haven't changed my eating habits yet, but baby steps. My goal is to loose about 100 lbs. I tried to put a little ticker on here, but it doesn't seem to be showing up. I'll have to mess with that later.

There's more to update, but I think the other things may need more detail than just a "hi, I'm here, and this is new" type post. I'll try to get to those soon..before I forget what I have to say.

Because it has to be immortalized somewhere...

"Its Wednesday....with boobs!"

Astounding

Another call today that makes me wonder how people get through daily life....

"I can't get my email on my Treo anymore..."

"How are you trying to get your email? Through wireless sync?"

"Yes."

"Okay. Is there an error when you try to do a sync?"

"I don't know. Its a replacement and we were trying to set it up.."

(Here I get the password for the wireless sync account. I see that she does have an account set up and that it does report an error.)

"Can you get an internet connection?"

"Yes, it brings up websites.."

"Okay. Pleae tap the wireless sync icon, to start the sync.." (I presume she's actually done this before, since she indicated she had...)
(She begins mumbling some things I didn't really pay attention to.) "Wait...you want me to hook it up to the computer and press the button...?"

(Yes...because connecting the device to the computer with a wire is an effective way of doing a wireless sync.)

"No. I want you to tap on the wireless sync icon on your device.."
"Oh, okay. It says sync in progress." (Moments later.) "Sync in progress...I can get my email wirelessly?"

*bangs head* I mean....seriously.

Some people...

This is part of a conversation that I've actually had with a customer today:

Cust: "I can't get my bluetooth headset working."
Me: "Is it paired with the device?"
Cust: "What do you mean 'paired'? Pear? That's a fruit to me. You'll have to explain it in layman's terms."
Me: "Does the device see the bluetooth?"
Cust: "What? What do you mean?!"
Here is where I go through the steps to create a pair or partnership between the device and the headset - during which the customer interjects with:

"I've done this already, I've gone through this. I told you that!"
Me: "Okay, but we need to do it again. I need to know if the problem with the headset occurs before or after the partnership is created."
Cust: "Its not the headset! Its just not working..."
Me: "So, the problem occurs when you try to use the headset? After the partnership is created?"
(I'm avoiding the use of the word 'pair', since it's obviously nothing more than a fruit.)
Cust: "Partnership? What do you mean by partnership? I don't think you understand me..."

he denied this fact and told me he's "just loud". Mind you, this is not a man who seems to have problems with speaking English and it didn't sound as if it were a second language for him...so, why he couldn't understand basic words we learn in elementary school, I don't know.
I'd ask a question, he'd tell me one thing. When I asked again for clarification..the answer was different, and he'd yell at me that I didn't understand. Oh yes, then there's the whole treating me like I'm the stupid one. Of course I don't understand when you keep changing your answers. Moron.
He started out loud, and throughout the call he got to the point of yelling at me (and his dog, which was barking in the background. I'm lucky though - he only swore at the dog). Of course, he denied this fact and told me he's "just loud".
I don't understand how people like this make it through daily life.

Oh yes...direction....

I remember what I was going to say, with the last post.

The QA manager sent a note to my supervisor indicating that I wasn't what they were looking for. This is fine with me...I understand I'm not perfect for all positions available. What got me was that she stated I "need attention to detail".
Mind you, I submitted the call twice. I failed it once - with a note as to why I failed it - no case created in our database. The other I graded as if a case had been created - including notes on why I scored the way I did. My supe thinks I may have been alright if I had copied and pasted the information from the regularly scored card onto the failed one. ~*blink*~ ~*confused look*~
And they think I need attention to detail?!

I went for it...

and didn't get it. I will not be a new part-time member of the QA team. I'm okay with that. There was no pay raise included...so, more work for the same amount of money, basically. It doesn't 'demote' me or anything else.
The only advantages that it offered - being off the phones for awhile (though I'd be listening to calls), and having a foot in the door to a full time position off the phones. With everything said and done, I'm almost relieved, actually. Personal factors indicate that it may have been more stress (brought about by management I'm sure I would come to think of as only marginally competent..).
I was going somewhere with this post...but as I started it this morning, and I'm off work now, I've lost track of where I was going. Before I make a fool of myself (or more of one, depending on one's view), I shall stop the typing now and spare you all...or, maybe, I'm just sparing myself.

Traffic nightmare

3 hours after I left work, I finally made it home. ~*snarl*~

I almost got to 520 bridge, just to find out it was closed. Over two hours waiting...just to be turned around. So, I had to go up north and come back south to make it across the lake. I'm glad I didn't try I-90 - I'd probably still be sitting on the freeway now. Traffic sucks.

Its definately...

my Monday. It just feels like a Monday, despite the fact that its Tuesday. It doesn't help that I swear they have me in the difficult queue. Its not that the calls have been bad, they've just been long. For instance, my first call today was a 2 hour call. I should have just known. ~*hangs head and whimpers*~
I haven't heard back from QA yet on the part time position - but I'm guessing by the beginning of next week. I consulted my Tarot cards, and they've agreed that I have a good chance at getting this.
There's so many things going on right now, its hard to figure out just what to post. Of course, the fact that I'm at work and somewhat distracted never helps with the ability (or, sometimes, lack thereof) to complete a thought and actually get it out in type. I'm going to try, though.
First, grandma's coming home this weekend, we think. The nursing home hasn't given us any information, but we know medicaid runs out as of the 11th. So, now, we have to scramble to finish getting the house ready for her return. She'll be in a wheelchair, so things will have to be different than before. That means, too, that I go back to being the only income for the household as mom will have to stay home to take care of grandma. I'm worried that we won't be able to do this..that, somehow, we'll end up living outside in the broken down van. Of course, that's worst case scenario, and I always worry about that. At any rate, grandma's room needs to be cleaned out so she has room in there. We also need to clean out the music room so we can move the toys into there, and let the kids have a make-shift play room. It'll move the toys out of the living room, and out of her way. Grandma freaks about anything removed from the house, so anything we want out and gone has to be gone by the time she gets home. ~*sigh*~
There's no time for anything. Or, maybe, its just that there's so much I need or want to do. I have "upkeep" type stuff that I need to do (the weekly and nightly chores we all do), projects that I want to do, and stuff that has to be done (music room, et al). If I just do it all, there's no time with the kids...and I refuse to be one of "those" mothers. My kids are important to me, and I intend on showing them that in any way I can.
One of the new projects I want to do is quilting. Nothing difficult to start with...some paper piece quilting in the form of potholders for now. I have plans for some later projects, but I need to learn the simple ones first ;)

(Written on 3-7-06)

I did it.

I submitted all the information I needed for the QA position. I'm crossing my fingers. I understand there's going to be a lot of competition. My tarot deck, however, is reminding me to have self confidence. It slipped out of the deck when I was playing with it...just moving the cards around.
I had more to say...but, that was awhile ago, and I've had some distractions. I think I'll stop now...

Going for it

I finally got the nerve up to ask my supervisor about my scorecard. There's a part time position available with quality assurance. I decided that if I didn't try for it, I'd never get it. So...here I am...trying for it.
I graded a call today, despite my nerves. I was second guessing myself all the way to the point where the recording started. "Do I know enough?" "Can I really grade it right?" "Do I even know what I'm doing?"
You know what I discovered? The answer is...yes!! To all of those questions, and others. Yes, I can. I know what I'm doing, what I'm listening for, and what I hear. I'm confident in my ability, and the score I've given the call. I'm confident that I can defend my score and give accurate reasons why I scored it the way I did. Maybe I scored it differently than QA would have, but at least I have my reasons...and they are sound. I'm confident in my ability to learn the nuances of scoring calls the way QA would like.
I feel good about this. No, I don't have the position, and maybe there's someone better qualified than I am. Maybe I won't get chosen...but, I feel good that I'm trying. I feel good that I'm taking the step, and that I have the confidence to know that I have a chance at the very least. I'm not just sitting back and humming and haawing about it, like I tend to do. I won't get it if I don't try for it, right? Right.
If I don't get it...then I'm not any worse off. Maybe I'll work harder, learn from the experience and have a better chance next time. I'm proud of myself for even taking this step.
Now, to complete the questionaire and get my resume in :)

My bunny can kick your bunny's ass!!

BWAH!

Last night, we got a game titled Killer bunnies! Mmhmm. Much fun and insults ensued.

I like...I like very much *evil cackle*

Letting go

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of thinking on the subject of letting go of things. I guess I'm gearing myself up, preparing for the outcome of just that...letting go. It irritates me that to cut the ties with jackass, I may have to let go of some prized things. I may have to let go of the last things I have of my grandfathers, some pictures that can't be replaced, a few things that have been passed down a generation or few.
It makes me angry that he has to play these kind of games - he has to hold on to the last vestiges of control. But, in the end, its the kids that are the most important. The stuff that's in the storage unit can be lived without, if need be. In the end, the child support for them is the most important. I keep telling myself that, keep reminding myself. I hope in that reminding myself that its for the kids, I'll get over my resentment at some point. I don't want to let go of those items.
If I file for child support before claiming my things out of storage (which he has the keys and codes for), he'll make life difficult for me in little ways. He'll do it in such a way that he can say "Well, I'm trying to work with you. Its not my fault you can't schedule time I'm available." or some such. And trying to get the van will be even more of a hassle than it is now. I swear he's waiting for me to break down and fix it so he can claim it back. Its in his name. Pretty soon, I'm just going to have it towed.
I've set some goals for myself, to get these last few strings taken care of. If I don't, then I face the very real possibility of just cutting loose those things I want back. Not that it would stop life or be tragic. It would just...hurt, irritate and grow even more resentment for him than I already have.
In the end, I have to be prepared to just....let go.

Interesting developments...take 2...

I promised an update with the interesting developments in my life. Right now, it seems quiet enough at work that I may be able to deliver on that promise.
~*eyes the queue*~ .....then again, maybe not. 8 a.m. and there's a queue...~*sigh*~

Okay, I'm back, you lucky people. Anyway......

Interesting development number one - Fates and I have decided to work toward a long term relationship. I've never actually decided to do that before. It had always just....gone that way, or something. It feels good to make it an actual decision. Things aren't changing right away. I mean, there's no exchanging of keys or anything. No rings to be considered, much less purchased. We aren't rushing into things...which also feels good. Its just a decision that's been made...a goal to attain, if you will. I think I like the idea of not living together for awhile. I mean, I think I'd like that even if both of us were in a position to move in together. Neither of us are, really...so, its a moot point at any rate. Besides, with the kids....that should be a definite decision, not just something that happens.

Interesting development number two - Last party at the LH, jackass showed up. Fortunately, I'd been warned before hand that someone was bringing him. That would not have been a good surprise in the least. I'm quite proud of the way I handled it though, and I did find it rather amusing.
He lingered around me half the night - no doubt hoping to hear some snippet on my life and the kids. Bastard's not gonna get off that easy. If he wants to know about the kids, he can call and ask! He was 'showing off' with the girl he was with that night. I was only aware enough to know what he was doing. I gave him no drama. I didn't even really speak with him. Every time he came into a room and lingered, I stopped talking about the kids. I didn't react to his 'act'. I'm quite proud of myself.
Of course, I did talk some...did verbalize my observations. I did get amused at his games. And I do realize that it isn't all about me. He had other reasons for attending, I'm sure...but getting a jab in at me was likely in there too. He wanted attention, and didn't get it.
I felt like I really was part of a family with the group. Usually, I feel like a bystander....someone they know and greet, but don't really 'include'. But, everyone that night proved different. They were good about checking on me, making sure I was doing alright. I had a couple people warn me as I walked in the door...and one who called me a bit before hand to let me know. It felt good.

There's a party tonight at the LH, but I don't think I'm going to go. Partly, I don't have the money to spare. The cover charge has been offered to me, so I could get in without a problem. Even so, they know me well enough that I should be fine. I just don't want to ask, and I don't want someone else to cover me. I let R do it, but then, she's my best friend...and we always get each other back in some way or another. Its a different sort of relationship than I have with the current offeror. Besides, I'm not sure I want to go. Yes, it would be nice to see everyone again. And, it would be nice to get away for a little bit....but, really, I'm not in the mood for a party. I don't really want to ask mom to watch the kids, because she's been with them a lot this week. She needs a break too, I'm sure. I'd also be curious about whether jackass shows up or not....but I'm not curious enough to want to go. R's not going either, so...no motivation for me to go tonight. Not that she has to go for me to go....but, some nights, it just helps :D
Besides all of that, Fates will be over after work Sunday morning. Motivation for me to stay home. I know he wouldn't want me to stay home just because of him, but I'm not. Bottom line is, I'm just not in a group social mood. Well, maybe a small group at the house or something, but not a big group.

A household of....sick...

We've all been to the doctors, and we're all on antibiotics. Fun. I have a cough (mostly cured now thanks to the meds) that won't let up. Mom has bronchitis, and the kids both have ear infections.
Needless to say, there's been lots of temper tantrums in our house...and not just by the kids. The kids are both starting to feel better; fortunately they like their meds and so we don't have to fight to get them to take it. They've had more energy in the last couple days, and have been happier and less prone to random fit throwing. They should be ready to return to daycare on Monday.
As for me, I'm feeling much better. I'm still coughing, but not nearly as much. I missed a couple days of work, which concerns me. Ultimately, I'm glad I did though. Not sure I'd be feeling better if I hadn't. I have a doctors note to cover it, so I think I should be good. Its nice not having to mute a customer every sentence so I can have a coughing fit. Its also nice not to be up until 2 am hacking up a lung. I'm sure Pookah appreciates the sleep too.
Now, I must clean the house on my days off. Its suffered due to a lack of any real desire to attempt to keep up with it. I also have to catch up on my writing. Fuzzy head feeling because of illness isn't exactly condusive to writing.
I've been slack in updating because work's been on the busy side. By the time it dies down in the afternoon, I'm just tired and too fuzzy headed to try. When I get home, I have other things on my mind and end up forgetting to do it.
I still owe a post about interesting developments, and I'll get to that. Again, its hard to compose that kind of post when your phone doesn't stop ringing.

Interesting developments

I have a lot to say, but haven't had the energy to get it all out. I'm still not feeling well - my coughing has become unbearable and to the point of keeping me awake at night. My sinuses are so clogged, I can't even blow my nose. R, my internet research freak of a friend, (You know I love you :P) is concerned that I may have whooping cough. So, I made an appointment to get checked - I figure it can't hurt at any rate. Tonight, after work, I'll be in the doctor's office. Yippee.
I woke up late this morning, so I won't even have a book to keep me occupied. Talk about mind numbing. *facepalms* On a brighter side of loosing sleep to coughing fits last night, I did finish reading Memoirs of a Geisha while waiting for the cough suppressant to work. I'm very pleased with the book. I intend to keep it on my shelf to read again at some point in the future. I even cried during parts of this book. I hate crying. The end, though a little lacking in my opinion, was satisfying. It only lacked because I wanted to know!! It was a bit mysterious, but I suppose, its really the only way it could have ended. Its one of those books you just devour...and I did, as much as I could.
So far this post has little to do with the title, but that's what I get for rambling. In the last month or so, I've come across a few interesting developments in life. I think I'll go into details later though, as I'm currently at work and it can be hard to concentrate when you have calls coming in.

In the cards

Its been awhile since I've dipped into my Well Being cards. Considering that I'm just getting over being sick, I thought it a good time to do so. The cards that came to my attention:

1. I practice the science of deliberate creation
2. I make many decisions (and then I make them right)
3. No one else needs to know this
4. What's my big hurry? (its all for joy) All is well

Some of this, I think has to do with my writing. I'm beginning to feel like I've bitten off more than I can chew...the B&N classes are great, but I haven't had time and energy to sit and read them. Not to mention that I haven't had the finances to order the materials. Still, I can't use that as an excuse not to write or create. Lately, I've had some wonderful scenes brewing in my head, and I should get these down on paper (so to speak). I may make the decision to drop the B&N classes for now, and take them up when I have some spare money and time (hahaha). I'd really like to concentrate on the novel writing class through fm writers. I've noticed that my idea has fleshed out some, and I have a couple ways things could go. Of course, I've always written for my own pleasure...so, I don't think I need to feel a particular pressure to get things done right this second.

I hate being sick....

If I haven't mentioned it before...well, it bears mentioning now. I despise being sick...with a passion. Where have I been the last few days? Home. Sick. Not just "Oh, I'm not feeling well" sick...but sick.
Blech.
I missed two days of work because of this. Mistress Irony is laughing at me. Thursday, we went out to dinner to celebrate me being converted. Friday, I called in sick. Nice. What an impression I've made, yes?
Not to mention I'll be two days short on my next check...and I'm moving from being paid once a week to once every two weeks. ~*insert random noise of frustration here*~
On the bright side, I feel better. I accomplished much with the house yesterday. I feel good about it, but mildly disappointed I didn't have a 'break' while I was feeling well.
What is it with people calling me for tech support help today and making a BIGGER issue out of it than necessary by not even entertaining the idea that what I'm telling them may work.
If you don't want my help - or if you know more about it than I do - DON'T CALL!

Good news....

As of the 22nd of this month, I will no longer be a temporary employee.

This calls for celebration.

Discombobulated....

Today has been a very off day for me. I've switched teams, hours and desks. Of course, not everything goes smoothly - it never does. Oh, I'm not saying it went terribly wrong, either....just enough to put me out of sorts.
It started at about 4 am this morning, with Pookah screaming her displeasure of loosing her binkie. That continued every 20 minutes or so until I actually woke up to get ready for work. I left the house early to be sure I was here early, so that I could set up my computer.
Traffic was great, but the computer wasn't cooperating well. Argh. I can recieve email, but I can't send it currently. It's thought to be an Outlook error, which means MIS is going to have to do something with it. It also means that I can't port over my pst files - you know, the ones with email in personal files. Not like I need that info or anything. I can't get jabber to work. I even forgot my own logon to our knowlege base ~*whimper*~
On the bright side, our main program works better from this station. Most applications do, actually. I like the desk better...and I'm already moved in. I have my 'collection' placed on the shelf, pics of the kids up and even a comic someone 'gifted' me :)
My body is dragging because I'm not used to these hours. In the long end, I think I'll like them better even though I'm up earlier. I hope traffic is going to be better on the whole - hard to judge by today because yesterday was a holiday.
I thought I'd be warm up here, but I'm not. I've spent the last half of my day shivering. I'm by a large bank of windows....which I'd take over the door any day. I have my blanket here, and I think that once I get warm, it'll be easier to stay that way. I have to remember to bring in a sweatshirt too - I don't think I need my jacket per se.
Its not a bad day, really....just an off day.

Stories of Bug...

The other day, I bought this 'build yourself' dragon by Mega Blocks. It comes in an egg, and it looked really neat so I thought I'd bring it to work to display.
That is..until my son got ahold of it. He played with it most of the evening, happily making dragon sounds and petting it, calling it 'nice dragon' in this whisper-soft voice. (My son doesn't whisper). He also had some farm animals out to play with.
Fates took the bull, put it in the dragon's mouth and showed Bug. I laughed and shook my head. Bug thought it was the greatest thing. Upon taking back the dragon - complete with bull - he settled into a routine of taking the bull in and out of the dragon's mouth. All this done while singing the only line of "Home on the Range" he knows.... "Where the deer and the antelope play!" at full volume.
I wonder if my son realizes his sense of humor....

AHA!

By George...I think I've got it! I've been wondering how to change links, "add" friends and the like. While on hold with a customer, I flipped around the help screens...finally figured out what they were referring to (Yes, it does help if I actually..you know...read). Viola! I now have links.
And now, I do a victory wiggle-dance-type thing in my chair (while I try not to be obvious about it - cause, I'm the normal one here), and go home.

Maybe I should see that doctor....

Between calls today, and on lunch, I've found myself reading a particularly intriguing blog. I don't recall where I stumbled upon it - I think on "notable blogs" - but that's not really relevant to the thoughts bouncing in my head.

http://thesplinteredmind.blogspot.com/

He writes about being an adult with ADHD, and the challenges it brings to everyday life. I'll admit, I've thought about it on occassion and wondered if I display some of the symptoms of ADD. I don't believe I have the hyperactivity - but I do display some of the other traits, such as hyperfocusing, easily distracted, rarely (if ever) finishing a project, and procrastinating. I know that in the last couple of years, my mother has been diagnosed with ADD. I am aware that this doesn't automatically mean that I have it...but, what if?
I keep telling myself that it sounds silly, that its just the product of living life in today's world. I keep telling myself that I can't run to the doctor with every little suspicion I may have about my life or my reactions. I feel like a hypochondriac. "Yes, doctor, I have a sniffle....do I have pneumonia?" Oddly enough, I rarely go to the doctor at all. I dislike doctors....well, not the doctors themselves so much as the effort it takes to get to the doctor, the sheer amount of time it takes to wait. Not to mention the incredible restless boredom that builds - regardless of any form of entertainment I bring - that has a leg bouncing so hard and fast that it vibrates the chair two down from me. Or the numbness in the brain....that feel that means you almost don't realize that it is, indeed, your name being called by the nurse and you end up just staring at her like she's just sprouted tentacles out of her head for half a minute.
Then there's the thought of "And what if I do have it?" What then? Does it truly change anything in my life to have this diagnosis? Does it suddenly make everything that much better or more tolerable? Not to mention medication....I hate pills. I rarely remember to take them for more than a few days at a time...I still have prenatal pills from both pregnancies, and my daughter's a year old. I've never refilled those. I know that my mother is on medication for depression and sleep...and I desperately don't want to be on pills for the rest of my life at the age of 32.
Reading this blog has actually been beneficial, I think. Oh, I don't know that I'm ready to call the doctor and sit for an hour or more while she scrutinizes me. I imagine she's inwardly rolling her eyes and thinking "not another one". I feel like she's judging me, thinking that I'm paranoid. In all likeliness, she's probably not thinking anything of the sort.
Back to the blog... its helped me understand a few things, even if it is just on a cursory level at the moment. In his posts, he lists some symptoms from a book....I'm not sure of the reference to be honest with you, but its there on his blog... and the first few I've read, are me. I mean..they really are. I do those things..,.maybe not for the exact reasons listed, but pretty similar.
Why do I get so easily distracted? Because I have a hard time focusing....thoughts come out faster than I can record them....or speak them, often times. When I write, my brain is four steps ahead of my hand...and it results in entire sentances missing from whatever I'm working on. More ofthen than not, it leads to copious amounts of single words being left out. It isn't just that. Its the fact that I can't seem to complete anything...it takes way too long. I learned to knit and crochet when I was younger...I think I half managed to finish a chain in each. I've never done either again. I still have a smattering of ceramic things I started to paint 2 years ago, and haven't finished. These are only a couple examples of the string of things left incomplete during my lifetime.
I procrastinate. Why? Because I simply "don't want to" or "don't feel like it". How long have I put off cleaning the music room that so desperately needs it? At least a month now. Why? Because I look at it and sigh. Partly, I'm afraid of what I'm going to find. Its been accumulating junk for nearly a year now, and one of the cats practically lives in there. Scratch that...she does live in there - often opting to come out only for food and petting. I look in that room and my first thought is "Where do I begin?" I groan inwardly...and promptly get distracted with something else - or assign another room in the house a higher priortiy, usually with the exuse that said room hasn't been done in awhile either, and its more visible than the music room.
Again, it isn't just the music room - or the house in general. Its phone calls, making lunch for the kids the night before instead of scrambling in the morning, getting myself organized, grocery shopping, even shopping in general. Its loosing weight, becoming more active, achieving my goal and desire to become a writer, and a myriad of other things that I can't think of right now.
In the end, I feel worthless because I haven't accomplished cleaning the music room, or gone to the grocery store, or accomplished the arm length list of things to do in my day. Nevermind that I worked an 8 hour day, spent time with the kids, got them ready for bed....or that I cleaned the living room and kitchen, maybe even a little bit of my bedroom.
Maybe I should see that doctor.....

Sunday morning

Its Sunday morning, and I'm tired. I was out late last night..and up later than I really should have been. I know its my own fault that I'm tired, and I'm willing to accept that.
I had been hoping that today would be a quiet day on the phones. Apparently, customers had a different idea in store for me. Once again Mistress Irony and Master Murphy raise their hands to meddle in my life. Have I truly earned myself a karma smack somewhere along the line?
Yeah, I probably have. *whimper* I don't wanna take anymore calls! Make them go away!

Creating my own worlds

I've always been good at creating my own worlds inside my head. Those worlds, though, seem to loose something in translation each attempt to put them on paper. I have characters, lives, terrain...everything but a name for this ever-changing world.
To this vain, and because I really must get into the swing of writing again, I have signed up for a couple writing classes via the internet. The first one is a novel writing class, offered by fmwriters.com. I know that I've gotten in, and I'm excited about being able to start. The other two are both offered by Barnes & Noble online university. There's material to buy for that, and when I get paid again, I'll probably do just that. Those classes start on the 9th, and I'm looking forward to it. One is for mystery writing, the other for science fiction writing. Its time that I start the create juices flowing again - and time that I learn to be consistant with it. Writing is not instant gratification, and I must remember this.

Holidays

Don't we have some holiday grace period or something? Before we've even recovered from our New Year's hangovers, Valentines day merchandise is glaring at us from store shelves.
Am I the only one who's not ready to consider another holiday yet? I mean, we've been in "Holiday mode" since October, maybe even before that. Before October is in full swing, there's Christmas decorations and gift ideas screaming at us, nevermind the Thanksgiving Holiday. In recent years, we've just started passing that one over. Before Christmas has even heralded its presence (or presents), we have New Year's laughing at us.
Maybe I'm just looking through rose tinted glasses, but I seem to recall a time when the holidays weren't geared so much for consumers. They were more about the holidays. You didn't see Halloween until the first day of October (and those were the 'early birds'), or Thanksgiving until after Halloween, or Christmas until the day after Thanksgiving.
Over the years I have lost my sense of anticipation for the holidays. I'm sure some of it is growing older. We all know that time passes differently as we age. I'm relatively certain that part of it is new found adult life stresses - the worry of finding things for everyone. I'm absolutely convinced that a good portion of this loss of anticipation - which, lets face it, was a good part of the fun - is due to the fact that for months before the holiday we are so inundated with merchandise and well wishings, that by the time the holiday arrives we're so tired of seeing or hearing about it that we're just done. Why do we insist on doing things ad nauseum in today's society?

Welcome

I've started over with this. I have a livejournal that I use, and update whenever I'm home. Work, however, does not allow me access to the site. Apparently, this site isn't blocked, so I'll use this when I can.
I'm not at work right now, but its much easier to do the set up when I don't have to worry about calls. The call volume today was high. I'm hoping tomorrow will be a bit easier. It didn't help that I was tired today though. I was up earlier than usual - had to take the man to the airport. Not that I mind, he bought me coffee on the way there :) Always a plus.
I put in for a shift change at work a few days ago. They had several shifts to bid on, and I bid on a handful. I got notice today that I will be changing shifts, and my new schedule will begin on the 15th. With this new schedule, I'll have Sundays and Mondays off. Not only that, but I'm off earlier in the evening. This means more time with the kids, and an entire day - or at least most of it - with the kids, for sure. It also means that I have a day off without them. It makes it harder to see the man, but I think we can work around that.
Today I signed up for 2yn on fmwriters.com. I'm hoping I'll have the time to devote to this like I think I do. I'm also hoping to get the knowlege to actually complete a novel. I'm decent at the short stories, and even better at poetry, when I actually write. I've had this idea bouncing around in my head for awhile, and I think its time that it came to life. Hopefully, I made the roster in time.