Broke the news...

Last night, I broke the news to mom that I want to move. She wasn't real pleased with this. I knew she wouldn't be happy, per se...but I didn't really expect her to be mad. She said she wasn't, it kind of seemed like she was.
I told her about the place in Renton, and she complained that it was so far away. Its a half hour drive from Seattle - 45 minutes with traffic. She complained that she didn't know the area. Well, learn. I mean...its not that difficult.
She said that I can't just stick them in any old daycare...there's lots of bad ones. I countered with the fact that there's lots of good ones too. Not like I'm going to just pick one at random and go "Here, have my kids....use and abuse 'em how you see fit."
She then later asked me who would stay home with the kids when they're sick; who would take them to the doctors, etc. I mean, its like she feels she's never going to see them again. I'm not denying her her grandchildren...I just need space of my own.
The house we're looking at has Kindercare down the street - they're good, I hear. And, they do take state assistance. M & L are willing to help with coordinating drop off/pick up and watching the kids when needed.
Mom even asked if this was the best choice for the kids. Last night, I was so upset, I was crying. I resent that she's making me doubt my decision. I know that I can't stay there...I don't feel like I have control of anything, and its stressful. I'm sure that the kids have picked up on that, as well. In fact, Bug has started to threaten to kick me out of the house when he gets upset with me. He gets that right from grandma. She threatens that, too, when she's angry.
I talked to R about it last night, and she thinks I'll just have to take it day by day and buck up essentially. It just hurts that mom's reacting this way - doubting my decision as a mother, or thinking it totally selfish. If I'm happier, it would stand to reason that the kids will be happier. It's going to be a little rocky while adjusting, sure...but change is rarely done without some sort of "bumps".

Updates!

There's a lot to update here. I've been using Live Journal again, since we have access at work. I'm not sure how long that will last, so I'm taking advantage. However, there are still things that I don't want to chance jackass having easy access to. I know that I can lock my LJ from him - but there's a lot of people who know us both, and well, its just simpler this way.

First big change - Fates and I are no longer together. We're still friends, so it wasn't a big messy break up. We just came to a mutual conclusion that we weren't ready for the commitment like we thought. It was such a relief to talk to him (finally) and find out he was feeling the same thing. We still do things together - in fact we have plans on Friday.
Second and newest big change - I may be moving. I'll be moving in with a couple, friends I've known for awhile and now work with. They've found a 6 bedroom house in the Renton area that would be just perfect for us. It has a fenced yard, a park next door, the downstairs is a mother in law style apartment, complete with kitchen. It has an indoor hot tub as well.
This means I'd have to find a new daycare with hours comparable to mine, and get the van working. It also means that I have to tell mom...which is going to be tough. I don't really want to take the kids from her. I don't want to leave her in a financial lurch either. On the other hand, I know that I can't stay and keep my sanity.

Naughty Mama!

My son...my, beautiful, creative, wonderous, loveable...albiet sometimes all too troublesome son...

Got into my nail polish and painted his toes.

He told me... "Naughty mama!"