BWAH!
Last night, we got a game titled Killer bunnies! Mmhmm. Much fun and insults ensued.
I like...I like very much *evil cackle*
Thursday, February 23, 2006
Tuesday, February 21, 2006
Letting go
I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. A lot of thinking on the subject of letting go of things. I guess I'm gearing myself up, preparing for the outcome of just that...letting go. It irritates me that to cut the ties with jackass, I may have to let go of some prized things. I may have to let go of the last things I have of my grandfathers, some pictures that can't be replaced, a few things that have been passed down a generation or few.
It makes me angry that he has to play these kind of games - he has to hold on to the last vestiges of control. But, in the end, its the kids that are the most important. The stuff that's in the storage unit can be lived without, if need be. In the end, the child support for them is the most important. I keep telling myself that, keep reminding myself. I hope in that reminding myself that its for the kids, I'll get over my resentment at some point. I don't want to let go of those items.
If I file for child support before claiming my things out of storage (which he has the keys and codes for), he'll make life difficult for me in little ways. He'll do it in such a way that he can say "Well, I'm trying to work with you. Its not my fault you can't schedule time I'm available." or some such. And trying to get the van will be even more of a hassle than it is now. I swear he's waiting for me to break down and fix it so he can claim it back. Its in his name. Pretty soon, I'm just going to have it towed.
I've set some goals for myself, to get these last few strings taken care of. If I don't, then I face the very real possibility of just cutting loose those things I want back. Not that it would stop life or be tragic. It would just...hurt, irritate and grow even more resentment for him than I already have.
In the end, I have to be prepared to just....let go.
It makes me angry that he has to play these kind of games - he has to hold on to the last vestiges of control. But, in the end, its the kids that are the most important. The stuff that's in the storage unit can be lived without, if need be. In the end, the child support for them is the most important. I keep telling myself that, keep reminding myself. I hope in that reminding myself that its for the kids, I'll get over my resentment at some point. I don't want to let go of those items.
If I file for child support before claiming my things out of storage (which he has the keys and codes for), he'll make life difficult for me in little ways. He'll do it in such a way that he can say "Well, I'm trying to work with you. Its not my fault you can't schedule time I'm available." or some such. And trying to get the van will be even more of a hassle than it is now. I swear he's waiting for me to break down and fix it so he can claim it back. Its in his name. Pretty soon, I'm just going to have it towed.
I've set some goals for myself, to get these last few strings taken care of. If I don't, then I face the very real possibility of just cutting loose those things I want back. Not that it would stop life or be tragic. It would just...hurt, irritate and grow even more resentment for him than I already have.
In the end, I have to be prepared to just....let go.
Saturday, February 18, 2006
Interesting developments...take 2...
I promised an update with the interesting developments in my life. Right now, it seems quiet enough at work that I may be able to deliver on that promise.
~*eyes the queue*~ .....then again, maybe not. 8 a.m. and there's a queue...~*sigh*~
Okay, I'm back, you lucky people. Anyway......
Interesting development number one - Fates and I have decided to work toward a long term relationship. I've never actually decided to do that before. It had always just....gone that way, or something. It feels good to make it an actual decision. Things aren't changing right away. I mean, there's no exchanging of keys or anything. No rings to be considered, much less purchased. We aren't rushing into things...which also feels good. Its just a decision that's been made...a goal to attain, if you will. I think I like the idea of not living together for awhile. I mean, I think I'd like that even if both of us were in a position to move in together. Neither of us are, really...so, its a moot point at any rate. Besides, with the kids....that should be a definite decision, not just something that happens.
Interesting development number two - Last party at the LH, jackass showed up. Fortunately, I'd been warned before hand that someone was bringing him. That would not have been a good surprise in the least. I'm quite proud of the way I handled it though, and I did find it rather amusing.
He lingered around me half the night - no doubt hoping to hear some snippet on my life and the kids. Bastard's not gonna get off that easy. If he wants to know about the kids, he can call and ask! He was 'showing off' with the girl he was with that night. I was only aware enough to know what he was doing. I gave him no drama. I didn't even really speak with him. Every time he came into a room and lingered, I stopped talking about the kids. I didn't react to his 'act'. I'm quite proud of myself.
Of course, I did talk some...did verbalize my observations. I did get amused at his games. And I do realize that it isn't all about me. He had other reasons for attending, I'm sure...but getting a jab in at me was likely in there too. He wanted attention, and didn't get it.
I felt like I really was part of a family with the group. Usually, I feel like a bystander....someone they know and greet, but don't really 'include'. But, everyone that night proved different. They were good about checking on me, making sure I was doing alright. I had a couple people warn me as I walked in the door...and one who called me a bit before hand to let me know. It felt good.
There's a party tonight at the LH, but I don't think I'm going to go. Partly, I don't have the money to spare. The cover charge has been offered to me, so I could get in without a problem. Even so, they know me well enough that I should be fine. I just don't want to ask, and I don't want someone else to cover me. I let R do it, but then, she's my best friend...and we always get each other back in some way or another. Its a different sort of relationship than I have with the current offeror. Besides, I'm not sure I want to go. Yes, it would be nice to see everyone again. And, it would be nice to get away for a little bit....but, really, I'm not in the mood for a party. I don't really want to ask mom to watch the kids, because she's been with them a lot this week. She needs a break too, I'm sure. I'd also be curious about whether jackass shows up or not....but I'm not curious enough to want to go. R's not going either, so...no motivation for me to go tonight. Not that she has to go for me to go....but, some nights, it just helps :D
Besides all of that, Fates will be over after work Sunday morning. Motivation for me to stay home. I know he wouldn't want me to stay home just because of him, but I'm not. Bottom line is, I'm just not in a group social mood. Well, maybe a small group at the house or something, but not a big group.
~*eyes the queue*~ .....then again, maybe not. 8 a.m. and there's a queue...~*sigh*~
Okay, I'm back, you lucky people. Anyway......
Interesting development number one - Fates and I have decided to work toward a long term relationship. I've never actually decided to do that before. It had always just....gone that way, or something. It feels good to make it an actual decision. Things aren't changing right away. I mean, there's no exchanging of keys or anything. No rings to be considered, much less purchased. We aren't rushing into things...which also feels good. Its just a decision that's been made...a goal to attain, if you will. I think I like the idea of not living together for awhile. I mean, I think I'd like that even if both of us were in a position to move in together. Neither of us are, really...so, its a moot point at any rate. Besides, with the kids....that should be a definite decision, not just something that happens.
Interesting development number two - Last party at the LH, jackass showed up. Fortunately, I'd been warned before hand that someone was bringing him. That would not have been a good surprise in the least. I'm quite proud of the way I handled it though, and I did find it rather amusing.
He lingered around me half the night - no doubt hoping to hear some snippet on my life and the kids. Bastard's not gonna get off that easy. If he wants to know about the kids, he can call and ask! He was 'showing off' with the girl he was with that night. I was only aware enough to know what he was doing. I gave him no drama. I didn't even really speak with him. Every time he came into a room and lingered, I stopped talking about the kids. I didn't react to his 'act'. I'm quite proud of myself.
Of course, I did talk some...did verbalize my observations. I did get amused at his games. And I do realize that it isn't all about me. He had other reasons for attending, I'm sure...but getting a jab in at me was likely in there too. He wanted attention, and didn't get it.
I felt like I really was part of a family with the group. Usually, I feel like a bystander....someone they know and greet, but don't really 'include'. But, everyone that night proved different. They were good about checking on me, making sure I was doing alright. I had a couple people warn me as I walked in the door...and one who called me a bit before hand to let me know. It felt good.
There's a party tonight at the LH, but I don't think I'm going to go. Partly, I don't have the money to spare. The cover charge has been offered to me, so I could get in without a problem. Even so, they know me well enough that I should be fine. I just don't want to ask, and I don't want someone else to cover me. I let R do it, but then, she's my best friend...and we always get each other back in some way or another. Its a different sort of relationship than I have with the current offeror. Besides, I'm not sure I want to go. Yes, it would be nice to see everyone again. And, it would be nice to get away for a little bit....but, really, I'm not in the mood for a party. I don't really want to ask mom to watch the kids, because she's been with them a lot this week. She needs a break too, I'm sure. I'd also be curious about whether jackass shows up or not....but I'm not curious enough to want to go. R's not going either, so...no motivation for me to go tonight. Not that she has to go for me to go....but, some nights, it just helps :D
Besides all of that, Fates will be over after work Sunday morning. Motivation for me to stay home. I know he wouldn't want me to stay home just because of him, but I'm not. Bottom line is, I'm just not in a group social mood. Well, maybe a small group at the house or something, but not a big group.
Saturday, February 11, 2006
A household of....sick...
We've all been to the doctors, and we're all on antibiotics. Fun. I have a cough (mostly cured now thanks to the meds) that won't let up. Mom has bronchitis, and the kids both have ear infections.
Needless to say, there's been lots of temper tantrums in our house...and not just by the kids. The kids are both starting to feel better; fortunately they like their meds and so we don't have to fight to get them to take it. They've had more energy in the last couple days, and have been happier and less prone to random fit throwing. They should be ready to return to daycare on Monday.
As for me, I'm feeling much better. I'm still coughing, but not nearly as much. I missed a couple days of work, which concerns me. Ultimately, I'm glad I did though. Not sure I'd be feeling better if I hadn't. I have a doctors note to cover it, so I think I should be good. Its nice not having to mute a customer every sentence so I can have a coughing fit. Its also nice not to be up until 2 am hacking up a lung. I'm sure Pookah appreciates the sleep too.
Now, I must clean the house on my days off. Its suffered due to a lack of any real desire to attempt to keep up with it. I also have to catch up on my writing. Fuzzy head feeling because of illness isn't exactly condusive to writing.
I've been slack in updating because work's been on the busy side. By the time it dies down in the afternoon, I'm just tired and too fuzzy headed to try. When I get home, I have other things on my mind and end up forgetting to do it.
I still owe a post about interesting developments, and I'll get to that. Again, its hard to compose that kind of post when your phone doesn't stop ringing.
Needless to say, there's been lots of temper tantrums in our house...and not just by the kids. The kids are both starting to feel better; fortunately they like their meds and so we don't have to fight to get them to take it. They've had more energy in the last couple days, and have been happier and less prone to random fit throwing. They should be ready to return to daycare on Monday.
As for me, I'm feeling much better. I'm still coughing, but not nearly as much. I missed a couple days of work, which concerns me. Ultimately, I'm glad I did though. Not sure I'd be feeling better if I hadn't. I have a doctors note to cover it, so I think I should be good. Its nice not having to mute a customer every sentence so I can have a coughing fit. Its also nice not to be up until 2 am hacking up a lung. I'm sure Pookah appreciates the sleep too.
Now, I must clean the house on my days off. Its suffered due to a lack of any real desire to attempt to keep up with it. I also have to catch up on my writing. Fuzzy head feeling because of illness isn't exactly condusive to writing.
I've been slack in updating because work's been on the busy side. By the time it dies down in the afternoon, I'm just tired and too fuzzy headed to try. When I get home, I have other things on my mind and end up forgetting to do it.
I still owe a post about interesting developments, and I'll get to that. Again, its hard to compose that kind of post when your phone doesn't stop ringing.
Tuesday, February 07, 2006
Interesting developments
I have a lot to say, but haven't had the energy to get it all out. I'm still not feeling well - my coughing has become unbearable and to the point of keeping me awake at night. My sinuses are so clogged, I can't even blow my nose. R, my internet research freak of a friend, (You know I love you :P) is concerned that I may have whooping cough. So, I made an appointment to get checked - I figure it can't hurt at any rate. Tonight, after work, I'll be in the doctor's office. Yippee.
I woke up late this morning, so I won't even have a book to keep me occupied. Talk about mind numbing. *facepalms* On a brighter side of loosing sleep to coughing fits last night, I did finish reading Memoirs of a Geisha while waiting for the cough suppressant to work. I'm very pleased with the book. I intend to keep it on my shelf to read again at some point in the future. I even cried during parts of this book. I hate crying. The end, though a little lacking in my opinion, was satisfying. It only lacked because I wanted to know!! It was a bit mysterious, but I suppose, its really the only way it could have ended. Its one of those books you just devour...and I did, as much as I could.
So far this post has little to do with the title, but that's what I get for rambling. In the last month or so, I've come across a few interesting developments in life. I think I'll go into details later though, as I'm currently at work and it can be hard to concentrate when you have calls coming in.
I woke up late this morning, so I won't even have a book to keep me occupied. Talk about mind numbing. *facepalms* On a brighter side of loosing sleep to coughing fits last night, I did finish reading Memoirs of a Geisha while waiting for the cough suppressant to work. I'm very pleased with the book. I intend to keep it on my shelf to read again at some point in the future. I even cried during parts of this book. I hate crying. The end, though a little lacking in my opinion, was satisfying. It only lacked because I wanted to know!! It was a bit mysterious, but I suppose, its really the only way it could have ended. Its one of those books you just devour...and I did, as much as I could.
So far this post has little to do with the title, but that's what I get for rambling. In the last month or so, I've come across a few interesting developments in life. I think I'll go into details later though, as I'm currently at work and it can be hard to concentrate when you have calls coming in.
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